Still a Place for Me

You always kept a chair for me
Even when I wasn’t there

I was parked outside your birthday
With the engine running low
I could see you through the window
In your blue dress by the stove

Someone hugged you at the doorway
And their perfume filled the air
I had driven all that way
But I couldn’t make it there

You came out into the cold
With a slice of birthday cake
And you sat with me in the car
Till the candles burned away

You said, “We’ll try again next year”
And you smiled the way you do
But I saw you wipe your eyes
When you thought I couldn’t see you

Is there still a place for me
Somewhere in the room?
Somewhere close enough to hold you
Where the air won’t make me choose?

I’m not asking for the world
Just a moment sitting there
Is there still a place for me
Where I can breathe the air?

Every year I say, “Next time”
Every year I mean it less
There are children on your fridge
I’ve only seen in photographs

Nobody’s cruel about it
Nobody means me harm
It’s just a sweater, just a candle
Just a little on the arm

I remember all those Sundays
When I never had to choose
Between sitting at your table
And the air I had to use

And the hardest part of losing things
Is how quietly they go
Nobody sees the little endings
Nobody has to know

Is there still a place for me
Somewhere in the room?
Somewhere close enough to hold you
Where the air won’t make me choose?

I don’t want another photograph
Of somewhere I should be
I just want to sit beside you
Like you always saved for me

Then they called me in October
Said you didn’t have much time
I drove straight to the hospital
Praying I would make it there

But there was perfume in the hallway
And I couldn’t reach your room
So I held the phone against my face
And sang that song we used to sing

Through a closed hospital door

I never got to hold your hand

I never got to hold your hand

Then my sister sent a message
To everyone she knew

“Please don’t wear perfume on Sunday
He deserves to say goodbye, too”

I stood outside the church doors
Like I’d done a thousand times
With my hand upon the handle
And your picture in my mind

And for once there was no fragrance
For once I could walk through

And there beside your photograph
Was the chair you always kept for me

There was still a place for me
There was still a place
Right beside your photograph
Where I could see your face

And everybody made room
Like you always wished they’d do
I finally made it inside, Mama
But I couldn’t sit with you

Mama, I came in

Mama, I came in

They all went home that evening
And I stayed a little more
Looking at the empty chair
And the light upon the floor

I wish that you could see me
Sitting where you wanted me

You always kept a chair for me

Even when I wasn’t there

I made it in, Mama

I wish you’d been there